


What Am I? (A Crispy Dragon)

by imthekingoftheocean (im_the_king_of_the_ocean)



Series: Pride Month Ficlets 2K18 [4]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Asexual!Jim, Asexuality, Coming Out, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 20:57:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14941268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/imthekingoftheocean
Summary: Jim figures out he's asexual.





	What Am I? (A Crispy Dragon)

It was 4 am on a Saturday.Jim stared at the bright screen of his phone against the darkness of his room.Or, rather, he stared at the definition his web search had brought him to.

 

_Asexuality:_

_The lack of sexual attraction._

 

It was straightforward enough of an answer, but what did it mean exactly?What was sexual attraction and how did one know if they felt it specifically?How could one know if they did or did not feel something if they weren’t completely certain on what that thing _was_.How the crap was that supposed to work?

Jim had been doing searches for hours.Since he’d first gone to bed and found himself staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping, and he was still no closer to having a definite answer.To knowing whether or not this was him.What he was.Whatever the crap that was.

He wasn’t normal, that was a start.Or the lingering thought in the back of his head that would never go away despite numerous attempts to banish it .The reason he’d perked up when he overhead the word “asexual” in a conversation he’d walked by in school, he figured.He’d never heard that one before and maybe, just maybe the reason there’d been a spark somewhere in his gut.Maybe _this_ is what That Feeling was.

Regardless, he wasn’t going to figure it out tonight.Jim put his phone on his desk, rolled over so his back was toward it, shut his eyes, and attempted sleep.It took him a while to get there.

* * *

The thing was, everyone else seemed to know what sexual attraction was.Or, at least, everyone else seemed to know who they thought was hot (or not).The celebrities they had crushes on and all that.Even Toby.Though, Toby was a self-proclaimed lover of all.Almost everyone was pretty to him.

Jim had, well, he just didn’t really have those feelings?He didn’t really care.Not like that.He liked people sure, it was just he didn’t really care about the whole “dating” thing too much.He figured he would at some point.Right now there were much more interesting things like Gun Robot or cooking.

He doodled across his notes as Mr. Strickler lectured history.It was like, he had a crush on Claire, but it wasn’t a normal crush.Not really.Jim had been there to witness each and every one of Toby’s crushes.Listened to his friend go on about romancing, dating, and true love.They’d even watched some rom-coms over a couple weekends together, even if neither would ever admit to it to anyone else at school.Toby was clearly someone who understood the finer points of romance.More or less.He, at least, had normal crushes.

Jim’s weren’t like that.At least not his one on Claire, and that had been his first and only.He liked Claire a lot, yeah, but he wasn’t certain he wanted to date her.Officially boyfriend-girlfriend date.He did like the idea of spending time with her, getting to know her, doing something fun with her.But not so much the stuff that really came with dating.Hand-holding and romantic walks in the park and blushing and tentative kissing.That stuff.It wasn’t that that stuff grossed him out or anything really.He didn’t necessarily mind the thought of it.It was just, why do it when you can spend more time having fun with someone you cared about in a sort of romantic but also sort of not way?

The amount of “sort of” going on in Jim’s considerations of the topic confused him greatly.

Jim wanted to feel connected to Claire.But he didn’t really want to date her.But he kinda did.But he didn’t think about her Like That.Like normal boys apparently thought about girls.But he…

The bell rang, jerking Jim out of his thoughts.He started shoving his things in his bag.

He’d never do anything anyway, so it wasn’t like it really mattered.

* * *

Was he broken?Was that it?A kid who’d grown up with one parent gone and the other working all the time probably would have problems with the whole love thing.Maybe he was just incapable of it?

No.He loved his mom.He loved Toby.But those were different types of love.Those weren’t _this_.

Jim tripped and nearly got cut in half by one of the big, blade things in the Forge.He shrieked.

Blinky called off training for the day.“Master Jim, if I may?You appear to be distracted.Is something the matter?”

“I…” Jim took a deep breath.“Blinky, have you ever heard of asexuality?”

“Oh, asexuality?”Blinky blinked.“A splendidly useful term if I do say so myself.I use it quite regularly myself.”

“Wait, what?”

Blinky studied Jim a long moment.Then he put a hand on his shoulder.“Come, I think this is a conversation best to be had in my library.”Once they had exited the Forge, met ARRRGGGHHH!!! along the way, and together made it to the library, Blinky started talking again, “I am what you would call a gay asexual.ARRRGGGHHH!!! fluctuates on the aromantic spectrum on occasion.I assure you, both of us are perfectly normal, despite whatever you may have heard about us from,”Blinky coughed.“Certain others.”

“Okaaay.”Jim looked between the two trolls.“But how does it work?”

“What?”

Jim turned the Amulet over and over again in his hands.“Asexuality.How did you know what sexual attraction is?How does that work?”It felt weird to actually vocalize the questions.“If asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, how did you know what it is and that you didn’t feel it?”

“Oh.”Blinky sat down in a chair with a thud.“To clarify, you did not hear other trolls discuss and/or say things about ARRRGGGHHH!!! and myself?You came to your own, independent conclusions and you’re now asking questions because of personal confusion?”

“Umm, yes?”Jim heaved a sigh.“Look I know it doesn’t make much sense, but—” he looked up at Blinky.Opened his mouth to say more, but couldn’t quite form the words.

“It is perfectly alright, Jim.When we do not know something, it is good to ask questions to someone who might in hopes they may explain it.”Blinky came over and put a hand on Jim’s shoulder.“In the case of asexuality, I have come to realize it means one loves differently, but that is not a bad thing.Affection is different for asexuals than it is for others, but it is no less for being so.”He paused.“Or one can decide romance is not for them and that is perfectly fine too.”

“But how?You two are…” Jim gestured between Blinky and ARRRGGHHH!!! “together.Right?”

Blinky put a hand on ARRRGGGHHH!!!’s arm affectionately.“With open communication, as all good relationships are.I do not think of him as other significant others think of their mates, but that does not make my feelings any less real than theirs.ARRRGGGHHH!!! understands that.”He paused.“What matters is that we know what we are too each other and how much that means to each of us.”

“So…” Jim’s fingers clenched around the Amulet.“I’m not broken for maybe being like this?”

“Goodness gracious, no.  You are certainly not broken.”Blinky turned back to Jim and now put both his upper hands on his shoulders.“Being asexual is as valid an identity as any other.It is a part of who you are and that person, at least from what I know of him, is one of the most caring, kind, and compassionate people I have ever had the honor of meeting.Not feeling sexual attraction does not change any of that.Asexuality is a part of you, if you decide you want it to be, but it does not alter the rest of you.”He hugged Jim.

After a minute, Jim hugged him back.“Thanks, Blinky.”He paused.“I may have some more questions later, though.”

“And I would be a truly horrendous mentor if I did not do my best to answer them.”Blinky paused.“Though, I must warn you, I’m still not entirely positive what sexual attraction is myself.”

* * *

“So, um, yeah.I think I’m asexual.”Jim finally looked up at his mom and Toby, who were sitting on the living room couch.He’d just explained everything to them.Everything that had been going through his head.Everything he’d talked to Blinky about.On the one hand, it felt relieving to get it all off his chest and out in the open.On the other, he was nervous as to what they would say.

Toby pushed himself up.Walked over to him.Threw his arms around Jim in the tightest of hugs.“Dude!You’re not just _crispy_!”Jim would have breathed in relief if he could.Toby never, never used “crispy” unless something was extremely awesome or such.“You’re a _crispy dragon,_ ” Toby went on.“Cause you’re like a dragon now and you can burn everything to a crisp!”He laughed.“Metaphorically.We don’t want to get you in trouble with the fire department or anything.Though you do have awesome sauce invisibility powers now so—”

“Toby, what are you talking about?”

“Oh, right.Just some things I’ve seen on the Internet.You’re going to love the puns.Aces have the best ones.”Toby took a deep breath and a step back.“Look, Jimbo, just know, for right now, that you are totally awesome sauce and my best friend and I love you.”

“Thanks, Tobes.”

Barbara had been quiet all through Jim’s coming out.So, when Toby headed home, Jim quickly started to escape upstairs to his room.He got it.She didn’t—

“Kiddo, wait.I’m sorry I haven’t said anything.”Barbara stopped him.“I know this must be huge for you.”She walked over to the banister and reached a hand over to him.“I just needed a little time to process everything, but I recognize that couldn’t have felt great to you.But I need you to know, I love you no matter what.”

“Mom, I—”

“No, Jim, please let me finish.”Barbara went on.“I’m grateful you felt comfortable enough to tell me.I will do everything I can to be supportive.”She smiled at him.“How are you doing?”

“I…um, okay?”Jim shrugged.“I think?”

“So, how do you feel about getting a cake?”

The one Barbara brought home was decorated with the ace pride colors.


End file.
